False love Sasuke Kun! Fanfic commentary
by EmmieyCathiey
Summary: This is my second attempt at writing a commentary. Some of it is me being amusing, some of it is ranting. Rated M for a lot of swearing and shit that happens in this story that would deem a rating of mature.


_((Commentator's note: Hello everyone! It's me EmmieyCathiey! I'm going to commentate the fanfiction "False Love Sasuke-Kun Love Story! It won't let you down!" by Sasukeluvr from Wattpad. This story reminds me of "My Immortal" it is so fucking awful... I had to do this commentary guys. I tried to do a "My Immortal" commentary in 2012 and I put it on , but it wasn't well received and this psycho motherfucker threatened to kill me because he/she hated it so much. So I removed it because I didn't want some psychopath killing me over stupid shit. So anyway, I don't want to hear stupid shit about how "I'm shitty at writing like this author is" and that "I should kill myself" or any stupid ass shit like that. I am writing this commentary because this shit needs to be commentated. I know I'm not the best writer, don't remind me. I have my senseis for that :) anyway.. anything with two parenthesis and in italics is me. Everything else is the bitch that wrote this. Enjoy and happy reading.))_

Name: Yuki Kawaiine _((Kawaiine? Are you shitting me?))_

Age: 13

Gender: Gurl _((Gurl is not a gender or a word.))_

Crush: no one _(_ _(LIES. YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES AND ORPHAN TEARS))_

Enemies: karin, ino and that cotton candy beatch sakura!_(_ _(Hmm, cliché female on female hating. I've noticed that a lot of OCshate on Sakura for no real reason. Sure Sakura is nasty and unlikeable, but it gets old to see it in every single fanfic) )_

BFFLE (best frends so like ever DUH!) _((Hmmm... I don't think this is right. I shall look up BBFLE on ... Well I'll be damned the definition is right... but I digress BFFLE is a stupid term for best friends))_ : hinata and naruto (because he hate sasuke lyk me.) _((Naruto does not hate Sasuke, he never did. They were rivals definitely, but Naruto never hated Sasuke. Also I have a hard time believing you hate Sasuke due to the fact your username s SasukeLuvr))_

Family: they are all dead. orochimaru the bastard _((Orochimaru is not a bastard.))_ killed them all in front of me. i have a curse mark now and he sealed the 12 tailed beast inside of me as an experiment. _((Cliché shit, so much cliché shit... It's so painful. Also why the fuck can't this author capitalize the letter I? Also there's no such thing as a 12 tailed beast))_

looks: big boobs, big ass, long, silky black hair that never tangles and gorgeous ocean blue eyes with really long eyelashes. _(No no no no. Just no, so much fuck no.))_

personality: really weird and crazy, hates sasuke _((Psst... She actually loves him))_ and is naruto's best friend. loved him even though everyone else hated him. everyone likes you because you are nice and you stuck up for yourself when the teacher was mean to u. _((okay, has this turned into one of those reader inserts where the author has already made a personality and appearance for the reader? I really hate those, especially ones that make the reader a Mary Sue. It's kind of the reason why I wrote my Loki X Reader story "Fall of the Concubine". Also Iruka is not mean! Iruka does not have a mean bone in his body! He is so sweet, he's like a Disney princess!)) _

summry: yuki thought she hated sasuke, aka duck-butt, but she turns out to love him _((told you guys that Mary Sue loved Sasuke! I called it!))_ when she realises he isn't as mean as she thought _((So this is some Beauty and the Beast shit now?))_. she loved him but when he left her for the man that killed her family, the man he promised not to leave her for, she hates him once more! with aya, yuki goes to the akatsuki to get revenge on the man she never loved _((So little Mary Sue jinchuriki is going to ask the Akatsuki for help. Yeah you have fun with that while they murder your stupid ass))_. she was going to kill sasuke ochiha. _((Because she is now such a badass avenger))_

okay now i have told you about my character lets get on with the story!

'YUKI-CHAN!' naruto said, jumping on my back and nearly knocking me over _((Aww, Naru wants a piggy back ride X3))_. Luckily, because I have a black girl's ass even though im JAPANESE _((Please, the only reason you have that is due to the fact you got booty pads))_!, he just ended up sort of sitting on top of my but and scaring the crap out of me.

'Naruto, what thehell?' I asked, brushing him off of me and sighing. _((Author.. What the hell is up with the random spacing?))_

'Your gonna break my back one of these days!' _((No honey, your oversized tits are))_

'Sorry Yuki-Chan! I was just excited to see you!' he grinned at me looking up with a retarted smile on his face because everyone knows naruto is a bit retarded _((No he's not! Also don't say the r word. It's offensive to people with mental disabilities))_. Poor thing can't help it, he has a giant ass fox living inside of him after all.

Stretching my Asking Alexiandria t-shirt over my humungus boobs _((You were walking around outside with only a bra on? Boo you whore))_, I sighed and held up a fist. 'BAKA!' I growled, bashing naruto over the head well he deserve it for trying to do surprise buttsecks with me _((he wasn't trying to rape you!He just wanted a piggy back ride!)_, what a baka I as you. (_(No, you are))_

"Ow! Yuki! You didn't have to do that! Im your best friend!' Naruto replied, rubbing a large egg-shape bump on his head.

Suddenly, out of nowere, sasuke appeared. _((Suddenly out of nowhere. The author of this thought it would be cute to have bad spacing))_

'Hn' he said, looking me up and down like he normally did why he does this I don't even know but anyway, he is an idiot so don't worry about him. (_(Don't worry I won't))_

'the hell do you want, Uchiha? Come to pick on naruto-kun again?' I growled (_(no he's coming to kick your ass))_, feling my beast roar up inside of me _((She got the eye of the tiger, dancing through the fire.. Shit no I can't do this...))_. Oh yeah, i should probably tell you about that. like naruto, everyone hates me because I have a tailed beast inside of me _((aww you poor wittle thing))_. Mine is the 12-tails which is a kawaii neko _((oh Jesus save us all))_ i like to call her Aya wchich _((misspelling which? Are you five?)) _ is the name Orochimaru gave her when he sealed it into me, thats the part that I have to keep a secret. _((No bitch you are not Elsa from Frozen don't even try))_

Anyway, on with the...ooh, sparkly kawaii rainbow unicorns! _((Slams face against closest wall))_

Sorry im a bit random...ON WITH THE STORY, NYA! _((What the fuck is this bitch now the Nyan cat?))_ (Author note: Yuki-chan ur weird T-T but i love u anyway 3)

So I was standing there in my cute black pleated skirt and my asking alexandria tshirt and my rainbow knee-high stripy socks and my amazing sugoi _((Weeaboo much?))_ red legit converse (yes, they do have converse in the naruto world okay?) _((No converse does not exist in Naruto you twat))_ watching Sasuke and seeing if he wanted a fight but he turned and walked away.

'Come back here you coward!' I growled, tossing my epic waist-length black hair over my shoulder and pointing at him as he walked off like the loser he is.

'Your right, Yuki-chan. Sasuke-kuns a COWARD!' Naruto agred, flipping the bird at his stupid arrogant duckbutt back _((My Immortal chapter 1: Ebony flips off da preps))_. 'Come on, lets get outta here.'

'Wait, havent we got to go to class?' I remembered, dragging Naruto by the collar as he tried to run away but he failed because i caught him before he could even get to Ichirakus his favorite place in the whole world. 'Come on Naruto lets go before iruka-sensei gets mad and and inserts a kunai up a place i don't wanna think about or something.' _((Iruka would never do something like this ever))_

'k BELIEVE IT!' Naruto agreed obviously not likeing the thought of a kunai up his ass though im sure he would like to have something else up there, something that belongs to sasuke... *ahem*anyway. _((Wait, so Naruto wants Sasuke's kunai knife up his ass? Well then O.O))_

wen _((Wen, the shampoo that isn't a shampoo!))_ we got two class iruka-sensei was glaring at us. 'naruto!yuki! you are late!' i glare at him. i wasn't afraid of him. 'oh please iruka sensei. we have more important things to do than learn about something i already know about' _((Lol, if you said that in real life, your sorry ass would get sent to the office))_ did i already know about' did i mention that Aya trained me from a young age? _((What a typical Sue trait! I don't believe Kyubbi or Shukaku trained Naruto or Gaara))_

'that's it! yuki, detention afta clas!' i only rolled my eyes as naruto was sent to sit down.

'yuki-chan, sit next to me!'

'no me!'

I smiled sweetly. I was so popular with the guys and unlike sasugay I was nice to them. I dn't want two be liek him at all. 'sorry' i said to them watching them cry in rejeckion _((Oh mon dieu there is so much wrong with that last part... It makes my brain bleed))_ 'i already have a seat.' _((I bet it's next to Sasuke))_

next to the duckbutt sasugay. _((CALLED IT))_

i walked over to the seat next to sasuke and that cotton candy bitch sakura was sitting there! _((So Sakura has hair that is like Effie's in the Hunger Games in this story?))_ not that I wanted to sit next to sasuke but there were no other seats left besides the one next to the pig ino! like hell i was sitting next to her.

**'kill her!' **i felt Aya roar up inside of my making me grip my head, **'cmon! I haven't seen you kill someone in such a long time! She isn't such a loss!' **I fealt myself begin to cry. Aya always used that against me. _((Well you shouldn't be crying since you hate her so much))_

'I didnt want to...' sakura looked at me with her smug face. hmph. which one of us has f-cup boobs and a black gurl ass agen? Oh me! _((Bitch please the only reason why you have a black girl ass is because you put in booty pads. You probably have F cup boobs due to layering five pushup bras and stuffing the bras with tissues))_

'See, sasuke-kun! she is a freak! Talking to herself. hmph, no wonder evry1 hates her and her parents left her.' _((I'm confused... I thought Orochimaru killed her parents))_ i glared at sakura and grabbed her b the throat. who dare she insult my parents?! _((How dare you grab her throat.))_

'my parents are dead! i was not the reason!' **'yes you were. you killed them when orochimaru asked you to...you are selfish. **_((Is anyone else just as confused as I am? The author just changed Mary Sue's story twice!))_**' **i left some tears fall as i through the cotton candy through the wall and outside the academy. _((Well... Goodbye then Sakura... I'm surprisedthe author hasn't reffered to Sakura as Suckera))_

i sat down in my seat and didn't even get in trouble _((I'm going to call bullshit))_. this was proof evry1 _((TEXT LANGUAGE ALERT))_loved me even iruka-sensei. after how shit i treat him _((So Iruka is Mary Sue's battered bitch? Give me a break))_. even though he treats me and naruto to ramen i still rirespect him. _((No, you don't respect him at all. Once again you sit on a throne of lies and orphan tears))_

sasuke gave me a strange look as i cried in my seat. 'are you okey?' he asked me _((Definition of OOC everyone))_. fangirls glared at me for sitting next to him _((They are glaring at the OOCness in front of them. They are not jealous, quit flattering yourself))_. it wasn't my fault he was hot!

wow, did i just think that? _((Wait what is this? Is this narration? Monologue?))_

**'yes you did bratter.' **_((Uhh... I guess this is dialogue...))_

'nothing duck butt.'

i might be falling for sasuke ochiha! _((Just because he asked if you were okay? I thought you hated him!))_

**i am done the first chapter! **

**amayzing wasn't it?! :D** _((If you think so Ms. Suethor)) _


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